So none of us won the lottery. I use the word "us" because the only people who ever win the lottery live in trailers with 30 cats and never use shampoo. I will probably never meet any of you but I like to think that this applies to no one I know.
So I did what anyone would expect me to do. I wrote a letter to the Executive Director of the Texas Lottery Commission, Gary Grief.
Dear Gary Grief,
My name is Muden Siddiqui and like you, I have a funny last name. Now that we have established a common ground I would like to report a major error made by your people on Friday March 30th in the year of our lord, 2012.
Now Gary, I am not a snitch. I am an honest person with high values and solid morals but I am not a snitch. So when I tell you that your people made a grave error that has effected my life I want you to understand that it is only because my car needs new shocks. Do you know how expensive BMW parts are Gary? Let me give you a hint. I can't afford them.
We had a deal Gary. I elect you into office, pay taxes that pay your bills, buy you a house and in return you give me a lot of money and hold me accountable for none of the ignorant things I do with it. Well you guys not only failed to call out some of my numbers on March 30th Gary, you guys failed to call out ANY of them. I was absolutely dumbfounded by this breakdown in the basic fundamentals in business architecture. I pay for a service and you provide that service. What kind of idiot pays for numbers that I can make myself using only a pen and a dirty receipt that has been in my car for five years? They weren't even fancy numbers that I received. There were no exponents, no radicals, not even a lousy quadratic equation to make me feel good about myself.
I do not mean to vent Gary, but if we are going to be friends you need to understand how frustrated I am and how crappy my cars suspension is.
I am willing to accept an apology amount of $5,685 and two coupons for Burger King. This will cover my suspension job and maybe get me laid. Thanks Gary, I knew I could count on you.
Your friend and supporter,
Muden Siddiqui
Phone: ******
EMail: ******
I hope Gary responds. I also sent a letter to BMW asking if they do pro-bono work and another letter to Obama asking if he has any hawt cousins.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
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