New Year, Less Muppets

     Every year for the last 2,012 years a new year has started on January 1st. Why this still surprises everyone absolutely baffles me. People are super surprised that 2011 is already over and asking where the time went and I'm thinking, "Really? Because I knew the EXACT TIME AND DATE that the new year would start and I still didn't do anything about it."

     And it's not that I'm lazy. I'm just a realist and I am ok with the fact that I don't have a 6 pack and a super fine girl friend who isn't also bat shit crazy. You can't have both. I know that. You either have super fine or bat shit crazy and I evidently signed something somewhere that said I always opt for the crazy ones. 

     That's the thing though. I don't hinge my desire to better myself on the changing of the year that means absolutely nothing to anyone but calender makers and the Mayans. And the Mayans played basketball with peoples heads. I'm just sayin is all I'm sayin. I generally try to do the opposite of EVERYTHING they did. Calender makers aren't that bad I suppose. Not at all really. It's the consumers of these calenders that concern me. Any grown man who has a calender of women in bikinis in his bedroom is probably a creeper. Just a heads up ladies.

     Regardless of how many times you are surprised by the exact same date and time every year, new years eve is a time of celebration and I get that. Hell, I myself like to make glorious toasts at stranger's parties like I am the most famous person in the world. What I don't like is the awkward moment at 11:55pm when you realize you don't have anyone to kiss but the girl who looks like the cookie monster and/or elmo and you aren't sure how you feel about muppet herpes. There is no amount of hooker sex that can wash that away.

      So I wish you all a happy new year and a fresh start in 2012 aka Sunday. I hope at least one of you sticks to your resolutions and I pray to all the deities that have ever been worshiped that I don't make out with a muppet this year.

     Raise your chin and raise your glass,
     Muden